Tuesday, September 30, 2008

All Things That Break Your Heart

I lost a dear friend yesterday. The silence in the house is deafening. I look around and see her toys, I cry. I wash out her food bowl and the tears flow. I sit down on "her" loveseat just hoping she'd come over and give me that look that says, "Ah, 'cuse me, you have a couch right over there. This is mine, now move it." We use to play that game.

To say that Trixie was a good companion would be so grossly understated. As I told some of my friends this morning, she taught me well. I'm an observer of life and Trixie, God love her, knew how to live one.

Every single day was a good day. Every trip in the car was pure delight. Every little treat was the best treat she had every had in her entire 13 years, and every hug or pat was reciprocated with sloppy tongue baths. You could almost hear her saying in her Gomer Pyle voice, thank ya, thank ya, thank ya!

Trixie would have loved all the attention she received yesterday evening. All the tears that were shed, and the phone calls, emails on her behalf.

I'll use my best Trixie impersonation and tell you all what Trixie would have said, had she been able to say it...

Life is a gift, how you choose to spend each day is up to you. How will you use your gift? I spent mine loving...

Good-bye, my dear, sweet friend---see you on the other side.


Saturday, September 27, 2008

All Things Better...Now

Karma is a big old meanie.

I've just completed a week and a half of taking care of grandchildren as my sweet, adorable, oldest son was in the hospital with a big, bad, angry gall bladder. Ouch!

He had his surgically removed and got ice cream.

I wasn't so lucky. I had the grandchildren. I'm sure that some past life transgression (there are so many) was the reason for my punishment. One can only hope my dues are paid.

Holy cow...Do you know how many times a Strawberry Shortcake DVD can be played before it is totally worn out? Totally?

I've built tents in the living room, my bedroom, and in the kitchen. I've played hide and seek a bazillion times and found out that small kids cheat.

I've colored, finger-painted, and eaten so many banana pops, I want to swing from trees.

I'm washed clothes, cleaned icky stuff off the TV remote (which will NOT flush down the toilet! Yeah!), and read The Pokey Little Puppy like a hundred times. The last time I just couldn't take it anymore and cracked. I said, "Look, he's slow, k? S-l-o-w. The puppy has issues. Here, have a banana pop."

If there is a grandmaw heaven, I'm pretty sure I have a free pass to get in.

The house is now incredibly silent. And for now...it's golden.

Monday, September 15, 2008

All Things Beyond Me

I'm Queen Jaw Jaw and I'm technically challenged. There, I said it. Again.

Well, at least I am when it comes to Blogger. Help me Rhonda! Help, help me Rhonda!

Anyway, if you are a loyal fan of da Queen here, and you want to be notified when I spout off---ah, I mean when I offer words of wisdom, then go


and sign up.

Nin-ner, nin-ner, I beat the system...I beat the system...bawhahahah..ahem...cough..spurt...cough...ahem.

I signed up to have the nice, bright and shiny orange thingy for the site here, but THEY put it on the OLD blogger account and in cement, apparently...

Join me, wanna? I promise it won't hurt...much. Once you sign up, THEY (whoever THEY are) will send you an email confirmation thingy....just click on it and you're all set.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

All Things Losing It

Some days I truly believe I'm losing it. Now I'm not talking about those times when you walk into a room and think, "why did I come in here?" Everybody has a busy schedule nowadays, and it's easy to overload the old brain. So when things like that happen, I put it down to too many thoughts rolling around my brain, fighting for my attention. They're simply nothing to get excited over...

The ones that scare me are when I find the telephone in the freezer, or I get up, dress for work, and start out the door...then remember I've been retired for three years. Yelllll-ooooo. Time for a reality check, Queenie.

If any of my adoring fans read this (either one of you) and want to tell me this is normal behavior, or if would like to comment and share some of your own "misplaced behavior," please do! I would love to know that I have company.

I seemed to be advancing into the "seniorhood" role quite rapidly, and according to some friends, these things prove it.

1) I'm talking to toaster-ovens, microwaves, coffee pots, and other assorted inanimate objects. I say things like "hurry up, will ya? I'm dying here!" In retrospect, naming them was probably not the actions of a sane boomer. Tilly the toaster, Milford the micro, and Cooter the coffe---you know, this has the makings of a good Baby Boomer Hero-type show, am I right? Now where did I put that pen..oh yeah, Freddie the Freezer has it.

2) I am suspicious of any new neighbors. I hear a noise, peek out the blinds, and then begin imaging they are surely devil worshipers or worse, editors.

3) I keep a list of all of the commercials I hate. This however, prove to be too time consuming, so I made adjustments and now, I only list the top 100.

4) I blog about it.

I need to phone 1-800-get-a-life...and I would...only I can't find the phone.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Hitting the Motherlode

So it's early morning and I'm sipping java, wondering what day of the week it is. I hit the wrong button while surfing around in search of, ah...hmm...it was...ah...whatever.

I ended up on this hilarious blog. I don't normally promote people who are funnier than me, but there are times even da Queen here has to give it up for laughter masters.

One blog leads to another and there you go.

Two blogs later, and wayyy too many cups of java, I've read all I could about these two broads and nothing doing but I run to the nearest Books-A-Cost Me a Bundle and purchase copies of their book..or books. Oh like I needed for this to happen?

Sigh...so I won't be able to order the small batter bowl (say that fast, five times) from Pampered Chef. There are times one simply must look past long-held desires and switch directions. Buh-bye bowl...hello books!

So...by now you're wondering who could have captured da Queen's eye...eh? Not telling. Beg me. C'mon, beg. Oh peeshaw...I'm only playin' with ya, hun.

Here tis....I'll let you know what I think about um once I read um...

Book 1. Bitter Is the New Black : Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, Or, Why You Should Never Carry a Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office--By Jen Lancaster

Book 2. Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest To Discover if Her Life Makes Her Ass LookBig, Or Why Pie is Not The Answer--By Jen Lancaster

Book 3. Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly, Ex-Sorority Girl's Guide to Why it Often Sucks in the City, or Who are These Idiots and Why Do They All Live Next Door to Me?

HER BLOG: Jennsylvania

While you're overspending, the second author is---

Book 3. Queen of the Road: The True Tale of 47 States, 22,000 Miles, 200 Shoes, 2 Cats, 1 Poodle, a Husband, and a Bus with a Will of Its Own
by Doreen Orion

HER BLOG: What do you want from me?

By the way, in case you're wondering, no animals were used in the posting of this info, and no money has exchanged hands. I just saw the books, read the teasers, and wanted to share. I'm a sucker for humor...sue me

Sunday, September 07, 2008

The Top 10 Things I've Learned about Cooking Chicken

There are some people put on this earth to cook delicious, yummy things, and they find their way to people's hearts through their culinary creations.

I ain't one of um.

The problem is that I love to try; with "try" being the operative word here. People who know me, fear me.

Even my dog Trixie has moved three doors down and sends word she'll not return until I've sold my stove and installed vending machines in the kitchen. Wimp.

My sons answer their phones with questions, instead of greetings. They say something like, "Oh, it's you. Whatsamatter, the fire department there again?"

Everybody's a comedian nowadays.

In spite of their jabs and the fire department's warnings, today it was chicken. Why do I do it?

Anyway, on with the smok---ah, I mean on with the show.


The Top 10 Things I've learned about Cooking Chicken

1. Before you buy a chicken to cook, learn the different parts. They are not all called "legs." Who knew?

Note to readers: Thumping is for watermelons, not chicken, but hey, go ahead--have some fun. If you thump four or five of them (use both hands or...ask nearby shoppers to join in), it can sound very similar to "Jumpin’ Jack Flash!" However, you may find that the "meat department" has NO sense of humor.

2. Wear heavy duty, workman's gloves (the ones that come up to your elbows) while messing with icky chicken parts and while you're at it, safety goggles. Ewwww!

3. If you buy a whole chicken, you do not have to use a flashlight and look inside for eggs. Well, excuse me, but how hard would it be to put that on the label?

4. Good news! It's no longer necessary to break out the chainsaw to cut up one of those suckers. Weed-eaters work just as well. And they say I'm dumb! HA!

5. Do not go for long walks while cooking a chicken, or put on Gone With the Wind. However, it is possible that you could get a new paint job for the kitchen, and a new stove. So I ask you, is this really a bad thing?

6. Do NOT watch Animal Planet right before you stick a knife into the chicken. You won't like yourself.

7. Just because your brother-in-law, the jokester, tells you to add bananas to your chicken casserole, doesn't mean it's a good thing. That's sokay, he has to sleep sometime.

8. There is no "3-second rule" with icky chicken parts dropped on the floor. I don't care if nobody saw it. Wash it thoroughly or throw it away. And don't confess to dinner guest what happened. They will suddenly loose their sense of humor, and appetites.

9. Do not tell the ladies at the church social that YOUR delicious chicken casserole is an old family recipe and so you couldn't possibly share it. You're at church, for Pete's sake. Besides, the woman who baked it at the deli will be the preacher's wife's first cousin. Trust me on this one.

10. All chicken casseroles do NOT taste like CHICKEN. Some taste like bananas.

I tell ya...it's hard being Queen of the Universe sometimes.