Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Top 5 Most Annoying Commercials

Every once in a while I need a rant. Here tis. Commercials annoy me. Like I need a car that can drive faster than I can sneeze? Or see a family of mucus doing the rumba in my throat?

However, if I listed every single commercial that annoys me, this blog would never end. So I narrowed it down to the "Top 5 Most Annoying Commercials" here in the Queendom.

Here they are listed one to five, with number FIVE being the big winner.


1. Swifter Duster - Somebody please fire that ad person. You're not funny, you're overpriced, and I have one word left for you. MUTE. This commercial makes my butt want to crochet barbwire. Nuff said.

2. Victoria's Secret - Here's the REAL secret. Out of the bazillion women in the world, 10 can wear your "stuff." The rest of us visit the store, find nothing fits our bodes, gag at the prices, and then go home and eat a box of Oreo's. I have one word for you and it's a special one. P-O-R-N. What's the difference in that and VS commercials? And now I'm making room for all of the comments from the bazillion men in the world.

3. Old Navy - The talking mannequin movie was done in the 70s. Get over it. I have one word for you. Done. Make that two. Boring. There are tons of ad people unemployed. Fine one that's hungry and dump the ones insisting we'll LOVE seeing more talking mannequin's using words like "bootie." Hell-O OLD NAVY! Old being the operative word here.

4. Musinex - Do I really have to tell you that the short, ugly, slimy, fat guy with the raspy voice WILL NOT, I repeat, WILL NOT make me rush out and buy your product? I have one word for you. Gross. Make that one, GROSS. Notice the all caps? Pay attention because you almost made it to number five which is the MOST ANNOYING.


5. Political Ads - I could write a thesis here. You call our homes all day with recorded messages AND after 7:00 at night, UNINVITED, and right in the middle of "Dancing with the Stars." This alone should get you jail time.

You invade our TV's, ad nauseam (pun intended), and you sling mud against your opponent thinking this will make YOU look all innocent-like. My kids used to try that one. Didn't work for them either.

Do you stop there? Are you KIDDING me?

You send mail giving us more "dirt" on your opponent, you blatantly campaign at funerals (Hey, why not? In some states, the dead vote anyway), and you actually stand on the highway waving at us as we go to work. Some call this "target practice." I'm just sayin'...

Listen up...we're tired of you. You have nothing new to say, no respect for the voter's intelligence, and you never tell us what YOU will do. What you give us is the standard lines of "more jobs, more industry for our states, then more mud slinging. This is older than the dust in my living room. Too bad I can't "Pledge" you away...Pledge. That's the word I have for you.

The Pledge of Allegiance...try reading it. Or the Constitution. Remember those?

Quite frankly, I would love to see you run away with the mop and the mannequin, in fancy underwear that rides up in places that never see sunshine, doing the rumba.

JJ - Feeling better already! Who made YOUR list?