Wednesday, June 20, 2012

The Queen Speaks on Aging...or What Seniors Know

My friend Ruth wrote a blog on aging. You can read it Here. I read it twice to absorbed the wisdom there, and to enjoy feeling good about my age.

I have some thoughts of my own about aging. Since my brain (yes, I have one) is so full of "stuff," I thought I'd spit them out making room for more...ah...stuff. And you thought this was just another pretty face, am I right? Peeshaw...

Senior Queen's Top 10 Reasons Aging is a Good Thang

1. Seniors know that singing out loud every day will exercise and flex-i-ze your jaw muscles. Guess what? This makes it possible to cram six Oreo's into your mouth at one time - instead of the customary five. Singing in the car is a good time to get in that exercise. Ignore people who point, stare, and giggle at red lights. They are probably communist and don't eat Oreo's.

2. Seniors know that ugly feet are normal and anyway, who gives a rip? When was the last time you heard a man say, "Oh Bro! I just have to ask that babe out...did you get a load of her feet? They just don't make um like that anymore."

3. Seniors know that wrinkles = laughs. If you aren't laughing, then you are probably dead, or you wish you were. Me? I'm soooo alive.

4. Seniors know that goal setting began with someone who had bad habits they wanted to change. Bad habits are an art form and can take many years to develop properly. Think it through, peeps. No bad habits = no goals in life. Duh? If you don't have any bad habits, there again, you are probably dead. Me? Oh honey, I'm so, so, alive. (You can add another "so" in there)

5. Flabby arms have multiple uses. If we didn't have them, how would one permanently indent our "grandmaw" scent into the grand-children's tiny brains? They will recall it years down the road. I know I do. Flabby arms and hugging children tightly, also comes in handy when they want to repeat to your friend what you said about them last week. Tip: When children turn blue, lighten up your hold just a tad till friend is out of sight. See? Do I have to do all the thinking for you people?'s hard being the Queen.

6. Seniors have learned that when a store announces proudly, "No, I'm sorry, we don't offer Senior Discounts," a pretend heart attack will get you 10% off, immediately...if for no reason other than to get you off their floor and out the door. Mention loose bowels and you get 25%! Have a REAL heart attack (this is optional) nets you 50%! No, don't thank me, I dooo what I cannn.

7. Seniors are wise and grasped the art of multitasking even at a younger age...say, like 50. For instance, if you didn't have a big tummy, where the heck would you sit your plate of food while watching TV, or playing Solitaire?

8. Seniors know that attending funerals and saying, "Don't she/he look good?" is mandatory. Taking BBQ and potato salad to their home afterwards; however, is reserved only for Southern Seniors. If I'm not mistaken, Northern Seniors take some sort of macaroni salad and/or dead moose.

9. Seniors know that volunteering at the local hospital not only provides insider information as to who kick the bucket that day, but allows you to be the first to deliver your homemade potato salad. Or dead moose; depending on your location.

10. Seniors know that the REAL goals in life are to tell family and friends how deeply you care for them, and make someone feel good today, if only for a moment. Do it just because you can, not because they owe you twenty bucks. Be good to yourself. Eat an Oreo or two...or five, sing in the car, take a friend to lunch (me), walk among nature, love a dog, cat, or a moose (alive, preferably), but most of all, love yourself.

JJ - loving God, family, life, and herself. In that order.   



Blogger Ann said...

I didn't know the smothering blabbering grand kids! I do, however, paint my arm flaps with red and blue stars before any 4th of July event that calls for waving.

4:09 PM  
Blogger Queen Jaw Jaw said...

You're a woman ahead of your time. I have a visual on that...LOL!

5:41 PM  
Blogger Robin Svedi said...

Italian Northerners bring Baked Ziti. :)

7:24 PM  
Blogger Eagle Heart said...

Canadians bring egg salad sandwiches. Except Quebecers...they bring home-made baked brown beans steeped in maple syrup...makes for some interesting "after-talk" later. Haha.

Love your blog...and you!

8:09 PM  
Blogger Queen Jaw Jaw said...

So....who is it that brings the dead Moose?

8:28 PM  
Blogger Ruth said...

Who brings the dead Moose, she asks. Well, it has to be Alaskans, right?

7:55 PM  
Blogger Queen Jaw Jaw said...

Hmm...they don't grow um anywhere else up North? Wellll....whatdyaknow! And I thought all they brought was snowcream, without the "green" in it.

7:58 PM  
Blogger Ruth said...

I thought the color to avoid in snowcream was yellow??

4:31 PM  
Blogger Queen Jaw Jaw said...

Depends on what they ate that day...just sayin'

1:50 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home