All Things Sick

What do you get when you cross an old woman who has bad sinuses with a head cold?

Ahhhhhh chew!

Good answer.

I recently traveled to several cities across the beautiful State of Virginia. What an awesome State! I'd had sinus problems before I ever left home, but I noticed as we traveled nortwest, the problems seem to escalate. Instead of talking in a normal whiney voice, I began talking in a stopped up, "need a mitten for my nose" whiney tone and sneezing in between every other word.

Hello? What's this?

THIS turned out to be fever, sneezing, aching, coughing, and get no rest problem. Justttttt great.

Here I am on a book tour and saying to people, "tank oou... I so ahh ahh ahhh chew! appreciate you topping bah ma taabul." They would stare, back away, and make signs of crosses with their fingers. Funny... reallllll funny.

This has been going on for over a week now. I want my life back. Bad as it was, it was free of germs. Trixie gives me a wide birth, and the mailman won't stop. I can't go see my grandbeauty and I CAN'T DO WAL-MART FOR PETE'S SAKE!

I think I need an Exorcist... "COLD BE GONE!" Ahhhh chew! Great... oh yeah, that works. Did my head just spin around? Hmm...

At least I can type like a normal person. Okay, so I was never normal... sue me.

It's hard being me.

My Grandbeauty 

All Things NEW

Routine is a good thing. It keeps us in line, and helps us to remember. "Us" being the older generation who have misplaced their short-term memory. You know, the ones who walk in a room, stop, and say, "Now what the heck did I come in here for?"

I like routine. I know I'm suppose to embrace change, but screw it. I'm too old.

Last week after tending to the man I live with, Mr. Coffee, I sat down at the computer to see what had transpired during the previous night. There it was. A NEW WELCOME screen on my homepage. I actually thought I had somehow logged into the wrong account, but as luck would have it, it was mine.

Seems my Internet provider, who shall remain nameless AND banned from my Christmas card list, decided to change it. Why? That's what I wanted to know. So I asked them.

"We listen to the people and give them what they want. And hope you are enjoying your NEW and IMPROVED welcome screen."

Not.

I said, "Change it back. I don't want it." The answer?

"We listen to our people and given the---"

"Listen to ME, I am the PEOPLE. I don't want it, change it back!" Answer?

"Ah...we can't."

"WHY NOT?" I asked.

"Ah...well, we don't have that capability. We hope you enjoy it and thank you for contactin---"

"Hold on buster. I cannot see the entire screen without scrolling back and forth. How do I make it smaller, can you at least tell me that?"

"Ah, well...not exactly. We don't have that capability either. But I want to thank yo--"

"Let me get this straight. You listened to the people, present self excluded, and they wanted a NEW and IMPROVED screen, so YOU changed everybody's...you still with me, bud?"

"Ah, yes, I'm here."

"K, and now you cannot change them back OR make them smaller because you believe the whole Internet universe has a wide screen. Zat bout it?"

"Pretty much. Except one thing."

"And that would be?"

"We want to thank you for contacting the help desk."

"Not at all. My pleasure. And may you get audited this year."

That started my day and it was downhill from there. Later as I was driving to a friend's house, I turned on my cell and... Guess what? ... youuuuuu got it!

I now have a NEW and IMPROVED message system on my cell phone that apparently the PEOPLE wanted. Now I get to totally reprogram the entire thing! Didn't ask for it. Didn't want it. But I got it. And of course it cannot be changed back.


I wish I didn't have so many PEOPLE looking out for me. Sigh...