Monday, May 31, 2010

I dooo what I cannn...


When my friends turn to me to gripe, I immediately launch into my Pollyanna mode. I try to point out the blessing in every angst, every "poor me," sob, and every fault they find with themselves, or their circumstances.

I dole out advice when advice isn't what they want, or need. They are always polite and always thank me...and I say, "Oh don't thank me, I dooo what I cannn"...Annoyingly, it seems.

Just recently, a friend lashed out over her dog peeing on everything. I said, "You have a dog. I miss Trixie every day."

She said, "But he pees on my rugs and hardwood floors." I said, "Oh I wish I could afford the rugs, and the hardwood."

She said, "But my hubby drives me nuts with his Quasimodo ways." Thinking myself clever and witty, I replied, "Does he ring bells, too?" Quickly she said, "No, but he does push all of my buttons!"

She said, "Have you ever had a friend you loved, but hated." Thinking she wanted my wisdom, I said, "No, hate is a strong word. But I've had ones that made it hard to love them."

She said, "You make it hard for me to love you."

Yikes! Point taken.

When friends call or "instant message" you to say they're having a bad day, lose the Pollyanna.

Just listen. In this case, silence really would have been golden. She is a wonderful friend, a good listener, and didn't need my advice. She needed a friend to say..."I hear ya Hun...buy some dogie diapers, redecorate the house, put hubby in a locked tower with bells and a short rope, then...eat some Oreo's."

It's what REAL friends do.


8 Comments:

Anonymous Eagle Heart said...

There's such a fine line between over-advising and caring commiserating, it's often impossible to know if/when we've crossed it, or which side our friends need us to speak from. I like to listen, REALLY listen for a long time before speaking, because often what the person is really trying to say is somewhere underneath all the words she's using. One thing I've gotten in the habit of doing now is to pray, before and during the conversation, first because it helps me to focus on listening and secondly it forces me to wait before speaking. I know my hubby is someone who "over-advises" most of the time, and it's both frustrating and helpful at the same time. Frustrating because he's not really "getting" what I'm saying, helpful because he helps me realize how much I DO have to be grateful for.

So sometimes you can speak from both sides of the fine line and still be a really good friend. You've helped me through so many bad days, JJ, that I can't imagine anyone being able to call you anything but a wonderful friend. I love your friendship! And it's your gratitude-attitude that has helped me through some very gloomy patches of life!

6:33 AM  
Anonymous Eagle Heart said...

Ummm, we ARE still friends, right, despite my amazing, stupendous BB score last week?

9:05 AM  
Blogger Queen Jaw Jaw said...

Eagle, your words are a balm to so many. Thank you for stopping by and for taking the time to read.

Wait...you beat me at BB? I'll hunt you down...I've been in your purse and I know where you live. Be afraid...be very afraid!

Just messing with ya, Hun...JJ

3:33 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

You bkeep on dishing out that great advice. We can take it. :)

7:44 PM  
Blogger M said...

Hey, keep that Polly Anna advice coming. That's what I come to you for. We all need a positive person in our lives -- especially when we're lower than a snake's belly. Yes, we need friends to listen; but you listen, give advice, and make me laugh all at the same time. It's your gift. Keep usin' it to bless people.

p.s. There, I basically said you are awesome; now what will you pay me for that? just kidding!

9:16 PM  
Blogger Queen Jaw Jaw said...

Sure girl...you wait right there for it. Bawwwhahaha...ahem. One born every day. Ahem...

11:24 AM  
Blogger Chatty Lady said...

Hi Queen, as usual was just reading your blog laughing at what you had to say and oh, hope you don't mind but also posted the blog on TWITTER for all to know about and hopefully read. I could use some readers on my own blog as well, any takers????

9:04 PM  
Blogger Queen Jaw Jaw said...

Chats, I read your blog every Friday. AND...love it! Especially last week's.

2:28 PM  

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