2009 - I'll do it next year

It's officially here--2009. What exactly does that mean to YOU?

To me...it means RESOLUTIONS! Starting over! Do things differently! Out with the old--in with--Whattt? Oh sorry, I get carried away.

Give me a new year and I become this "thinking" machine. Suddenly my "self" shouts to my "self," "Hey you! Time for some changes around here, babe. Up and at um!"

This routine makeover actually starts before the New Year. It begins during the holiday season. I try to transform my SELF into Martha Stewart or Paula Deen, minus the hair dyes, money running out the ying yang, and the celebrity status. Just which part of these divas do I become, you ask? Well, I bake every new recipe they offer. Successfully? Uh...lemme get back to you, 'K?

It's gets worse. At the beginning of each new year (and completely out of no where), comes this grandiose idea of mine that I can become Jillian Michaels or--and if you tell anybody I'll pinki-swear you're a liar--I've been known to sweat to the oldies with you know who (how old is he, anyway? God luv em).

These attempts to a svelte new boomer babe usually last until I actually DO break a sweat and then, I'm saved by a thought--elastic is our friend. Hey? Hey? Am I right?

It's not just the additional seasonal pounds aplenty that I try to shed, either. I dutifully move over into the financial areas of my businesses and start hacking away at my biz plans and internal workings thinking I will suddenly bring clarity and order to five years worth of, "Ew, I don't want to plan today ... Ew a budget? Today? Oprah has a special on today. No can do. I'll do that next year."

And when next year comes, I jump into it with both feet AGAIN, and well...you know that old saying about doing the same thing, the same way, and expect different results? Guess who inspired it.

My ROI (Resolutions of an Idiot) actually last ... oh, all of an hour; maybe--on a good day. Okay fine, I'm lying but you can't prove it.

Okay, okay, my good intentions last till I need another cup of java. I go to the kitchen, see the remains of one of my Deen-o-lutions, and stop to eat.

By the time I get through with all of that, who wants to budget, file, or organize? Ew. I'll do it next year.

New Year resolutions hurt my psyche. They are an abomination to creative women everywhere, and I say they should be outlawed. Besides, if you can't do it during the year, what makes people like me think they can do it in one day/week/month?

Bwwwwwhahahah....ain't gonna happen, sistah. Besides, I can always do it next year, right? Righttttt.