Saturday, January 10, 2009

2009 - I'll do it next year

It's officially here--2009. What exactly does that mean to YOU?

To means RESOLUTIONS! Starting over! Do things differently! Out with the old--in with--Whattt? Oh sorry, I get carried away.

Give me a new year and I become this "thinking" machine. Suddenly my "self" shouts to my "self," "Hey you! Time for some changes around here, babe. Up and at um!"

This routine makeover actually starts before the New Year. It begins during the holiday season. I try to transform my SELF into Martha Stewart or Paula Deen, minus the hair dyes, money running out the ying yang, and the celebrity status. Just which part of these divas do I become, you ask? Well, I bake every new recipe they offer. Successfully? Uh...lemme get back to you, 'K?

It's gets worse. At the beginning of each new year (and completely out of no where), comes this grandiose idea of mine that I can become Jillian Michaels or--and if you tell anybody I'll pinki-swear you're a liar--I've been known to sweat to the oldies with you know who (how old is he, anyway? God luv em).

These attempts to a svelte new boomer babe usually last until I actually DO break a sweat and then, I'm saved by a thought--elastic is our friend. Hey? Hey? Am I right?

It's not just the additional seasonal pounds aplenty that I try to shed, either. I dutifully move over into the financial areas of my businesses and start hacking away at my biz plans and internal workings thinking I will suddenly bring clarity and order to five years worth of, "Ew, I don't want to plan today ... Ew a budget? Today? Oprah has a special on today. No can do. I'll do that next year."

And when next year comes, I jump into it with both feet AGAIN, and know that old saying about doing the same thing, the same way, and expect different results? Guess who inspired it.

My ROI (Resolutions of an Idiot) actually last ... oh, all of an hour; maybe--on a good day. Okay fine, I'm lying but you can't prove it.

Okay, okay, my good intentions last till I need another cup of java. I go to the kitchen, see the remains of one of my Deen-o-lutions, and stop to eat.

By the time I get through with all of that, who wants to budget, file, or organize? Ew. I'll do it next year.

New Year resolutions hurt my psyche. They are an abomination to creative women everywhere, and I say they should be outlawed. Besides, if you can't do it during the year, what makes people like me think they can do it in one day/week/month?

Bwwwwwhahahah....ain't gonna happen, sistah. Besides, I can always do it next year, right? Righttttt.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amen Sistah! I hear ya...I'm in the same boat (which I think is sinking slowly..haha). Resolutions mean PRESSURE. I have enough pressure just squeezing into my jeans every day. Who needs it?! Over sixty years of good intentions in the annual Resolutions For A New Year department have taught me that if you behave all year long, you don't NEED resolutions!

Oh - and HAPPY BIRTHDAY today too My Queen.....Your Loyal Servant, Pamela

5:05 AM  
Blogger Queen Jaw Jaw said...

Thank you Ms. P...and just a little tipster from the Queen of the Hipsters...those jeans can be bought with elastic in the waist. Do you love it or what?

7:57 AM  
Blogger Chatty Lady said...

And its a good thing too or it would be no jeans for me. As it is from the rear I resemble a wide load of something or another. I instinctively beep when backing up too. What???

But anyhow with elastic pants, and hang over blouses I can at least go out in public with head held high. Okay, at half mast then!

Say Queen, I wanted to thank you for being a follower on my blog. I am honored to have you.

6:56 PM  

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