Thursday, June 10, 2010

10 Ways to Annoy Your Friends

Everybody is good at something. I seem to have a knack for annoying those I love. I thought; why not share my wisdom with the rest of the world?

For those of you wanting to graduate from the Queen Jaw Jaw School of Charm, read on.

No, don't thank me. You know meeee...I dooo what I cannnn. Here they are:

10 Ways to Annoy Your Friends.

1. Call them up and say, "OMG! Did you hear what happened to ____ (fill in the blank) and then say, "Whoops, gotta run, there's the mail. Click.

2. Lose 10, 20, 40 pounds. Personally, I haven't tried this, but I have friends who have. Morons. See? It's already working.

3. Win the lottery. Another one I can't say I've done, but if I doooo, I intend to be obnoxious. More than usual.

4. Learn all there is to know about Facebook and then gloat about it. While guaranteed to annoy at least 90% of your friends, dream on. Ain't gonna happen.

5. When you meet with friends for lunch, take like a bazillion pictures of your grandchildren including the video of their birth. Don't forget the ultra sound pix!

6. One-up them when they have pains. My hemorrhoids can beat up your hemorrhoids.

7. When you know they're out, call and leave a message hubby will hear. Like, "Hey Vicki, did you get that new pair of shoes you wanted; in all five colors?"

8. Tell them you saw their old flame who is filthy, stinking rich. He/she had all of their hair, is still drop-dead gorgeous and just sold their biz for like a gazillion dollars.

Even if they were bald, had three teeth, maybe...and helps Elvis pump gas in Arizona. This one can be particularly fun. Use your imagination or call me for tips. I'm here to help.

9. Shriek loudly then exclaim, "What is that on your neck? Eeeek! What species is that? OMG!" No prompts necessary. Trust me--they'll become airborne and spastic-like. Bring a chair, Oreo's and a drink before you do this exercise. It can be very rewarding. Oh and running shoes. You'll need them.

And the most annoying thing you can do to your friends is...

10. Write books and blogs. Send them to all of your friends with sassy notes, or better yet, remind them that you know stuff and will sing like a canary if they don't read and leave comments. NOTE: This only works if you know more on them, than they do on YOU.

Once you graduate, signed certificates will be mailed directly to you providing you can verify your annoyanceNESS with pictures.

The Queen of Annoyance...JJ


Blogger Cherry Woodburn said...

I tried that last one. Sent out my blog to friends to read and I let them know I wanted/needed the #;s and comments but didn't work. (Think it did successfully annoy them though) No comments, at least on the blog itself. Once in a while a "nice job" on FB so I stopped asking. Now that I think about it, maybe they did that because it was on somebody else's list of 10 things to annoy your friends. That must be it.

9:50 AM  
Blogger Queen Jaw Jaw said...

I beg to differ. I find your post delightful, so carry on! I always say, "Never let them see you sweat..ah, I mean cry.

9:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's another one for you: people who play "Farmville" on FB. Every time they click on something, it shows up in their friends' lists of posts. He fertilized his virtual farm today. He fed his virtual cow. He fed his virtual chicken. I had sixteen of these this morning. I'm about to unfriend him because his farming is so annoying! Anybody else experiencing this?

11:11 AM  
Blogger Queen Jaw Jaw said...

I couldn't agree more. The only farming I want to see is my tomato plants, which are now trees. There is a way to hide all Farmville comments. Let me see if I can figure it out...again.

Course people neverrrrr get tired of seeing MY stuff! LOL! Gawd, let the comments fly now.

1:31 PM  
Blogger Chatty Lady said...

Well you've done it again Queen JJ. Yes you can be annoying, have been annoying and might get the prize for most annoying with your daily blog and posts in Boomer Women Speak but then what the heck would we all do if we had nothing to look forward to each day. I look forward to being annoyed, thrilled and amused by you cause in my book you are the Queen of Experiences, and give us all something to look for everyday.

Oh by the way, so sorry but in the dictionary under the word annoying is a picture of my ex hasbeen, Earl Scott...

3:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah yes! I can SOOOO relate to many of these annoyances - but only you could make them funny! Another Dy-No-Mite blog My Queen...


3:21 PM  
Blogger Queen Jaw Jaw said...

Chats, I'm going to take that as a compliment and continue annoying the public. It's what I doooo.

Pam, were you doing the dy-no-mite dance when you said that? I have a visual...teehee. Love ya, babe!

5:28 PM  
Blogger Jane Carroll said...'s a promise you won't tell a soul about...

7:28 PM  
Anonymous Robin said...

You can hide any games or FB apps by running your mouse over the side of the post until you see "hide" pop up, click that and then you will have the option of either hiding the app/game or hiding everything that friend says.

I'm only posting this to annoy JJ with my extraordinary FaceBook knowledge. :)

8:17 AM  
Blogger Queen Jaw Jaw said...

Jane, careful where you tread. I DO know stuff. We're buds, remember?

Robin, you annoy? YOU? Fat chance. You're going to gift me that could you annoy me? I think not.

8:25 AM  
Blogger Jane Carroll said...

Hey...I was serious...don't tell...promise you won't tell...LOL!

9:05 AM  

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