Tuesday, June 28, 2005

ALL Things FedEx

I have a new name for FedEx.

How about FedUP?

A package was suppose to be delivered to my house on Monday. FedEx attempted to do so, but because no one was home (gee...imagine that, no one at home. Could theyyyy beeeeeee WORKING?) they left a handy-dandy door tag, or DT as it is called in the biz, on my BACK DOOR.

Now pay attention because this is where it gets good.

The DT simply said, "Sign this and we'll leave it here tomorrow." It also said, "This is attempt #1." Is it me or does this sound like a warning? After the third attempt, do they shoot you?

AnyWAY... I signed the DT, and carefully attached it to the BACK DOOR. You already know where this is going, don't you? Sigh....

Next day, FE arrives. (Darn it! I'm still not home. Wherefore Art Thou Woman? Could you be at a J-O-B?)

Well I'll show you FE thinks... I'll go to the FRONT DOOR this time! Aha!

And so... FE leaves yet another calling card. ATTEMPT #2...

Now, this wouldn't be so bad except FE had to walk past the BACK DOOR where the signed tag was hanging to get to the FRONT DOOR. This ain't rocket science people. THE SON arrives home, sees the new DT and calls me at work and says "Guess who strikes again?"

I was furious since I needed this package.

Listen up. Step awayyyyyyy from the Customer Service help at FedEx... that is, if you can ever find the number to call them in the first place. They are about as helpful as teats on a bull.

Is this a rant? Darn tootin!

After explaining the circumstances to Mr. FedEx, there's dead silence on his end. I say, "Hello?"

"Yes ma'am."

I say, "Ah, did you just hear my explanation of what happened?"

"Yes ma'am."

I added, "And that he walked right by the first tag and left yet ANOTHER ONE?"

Frustrated I said, "ANDDDDDDD?" (raise your reading voice an octave or two and insert exclamation points... as many as you want)

"Yes. Ma'am, your driver (he's MY driver?) has gone home for the day."

End of conversation.

Feeling the veins in my neck popping one by one, I decided that in five years this wouldn't matter and I sure didn't want to go out of this world hollering at FedEx.

Besides, I didn't want to give FedUP an excuse NOT to deliver my package tomorrow.

So, I told Mr. Personality to forget it.

However, I've decided I want to work for FedEx Customer Service. I mean, how hard can it be? People call, they complain, and I say, "Yes--no, Your driver and Elvis have left the building." Then I return to my game of solitaire.

Better yet, give me a truck... I want to deliver. You stock up on door tags and wait till everybody goes to work, then just leave tags... if you play your cards right, you'll never have to lift a box.


Blogger Rhodi Alers de López said...

Oh, Queenie! You have such good answers to the problems that plague us! That Fed Ex Driver's job would be great, huh?
I'm sure it comes with a nice paycheck too!

Well, let's team up. You go drive and deliver DT's, I'll take care of customer service. Deal?

6:41 AM  
Anonymous Toni Star said...


You have voiced how so many of us feel about the Fed Ex drivers! Everything you have written, I agree with!

I am willing to team up with you, Rhodi and anyone else to see about better customer service...

No matter what, you're still the Queen!!


6:54 AM  
Blogger Illiah said...

But Your Highness,

It doesn't matter if you were home or not...you would still get the DT. I can attest, I'm a writer who works from home, my office window faces the street. I can see the truck with the cute puppy drive by, stop, and leave. No package, just a door tag. Hmmm, you think, maybe knocking on the door could be added as a training topic? Then more advanced drivers can graduate to ringing the doorbell.

10:56 AM  
Blogger Dana said...

What an experience! I love my UPS man, he just leaves my packages inside my screen door. LOL That is, when I am lucky enough to get a package. And then, I have to admit, I worry whether or not someone will steal my package while I am away. (shaking head)

I found your blog via your website and being an Alabama gal myself (North Jefferson County, thank you very much), I had to stop by and say Howdy!

By the way, how do you pick guest writers on your Queen Jaw Jaw site?

2:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, I was also wondering how do you pick guest writers on your Queen Jaw Jaw site?

10:41 AM  
Blogger Queen Jaw Jaw said...

Yuhooo...Queenie here.

I do have a method for choosing writers/guest and without disclosing my own private set of requirements for each guest, I'll tell you that the number one priority is:

1) I've read their work, or a portion of it, and was immediately drawn to their style, whether it be writing, painting, teaching, whatever.

I'll give you one more hint, then the rest of the qualifications you will have to extract from me under extreme interrogation... like taking away my Oreo's for instance... or hiding my keyboard.

They must be "family friendly." I don't cross lines.

Hope this helps a bit. If anyone would like to be considered, please drop me a line at GJawjaw1@aol.com and I promise to review you input.

However, I will let you know, my slots are full through January '06 right now.

Who luvs ya?

10:51 AM  
Blogger Jared said...

Fedex left my 32" LCD TV on my doorstep at my apartment complex without knocking. Now it's gone forever and we can't prove my neighbor stole it. Typical Fedex. I was even home waiting for it but they never knocked. Why? Is that an added feature you have to pay for?

11:45 AM  
Blogger Queen Jaw Jaw said...

Guys and dolls, if you're trying to reach me, my addy has changed. Please visit my Web page at www.queenjawjaw.com for more info!

10:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

get a dog. then you will know when he's outside your door.


3:24 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home