Monday, January 31, 2005

All Things Trixie

Humans,
Trixie here…or maybe I should say, “da Trixster,” or even Agent 004? Get it? 004? Four legs? Agent—ahem…Hey, I liked it, geeish.

Anyway, I’m blogging you because her royal big butt pulled a fast one on me. Oh yes, I know it’s hard for you all to believe, but she’s been a baddddd girl. (No offense to the sheep Queendom). She's gone and pulled the wool over my eyes (there again sheep, please do not send hate mail, k? It’s just a figure of speech).

What’d she do? Well, I’ll tell ya, she blocked my fan mail, that’s what. Yep, the old royal jealousy if you ask me. I mean everyone knows I get more fan mail than Miss Royal Redhead… Speaking of red, have you seen all the gray taking up residence in her hair lately? Holy Moly! What, did they stop making dye? Okay, I didn’t say that, you hear?

I ran into Rocky Raccoon just yesterday and he says to me, he says, “Trix old gal…what gives? The Rock here has sent you three questions sistah…I just knew you could help me and the missus, but nooooo, you’ve gotten too big for your britches now haven’t you, Miss “Dr. Doglittle?” I convinced Rocky I had no idea he’d even written and I’d check it out post haste.

I waited till the Queen entered her royal chambers for her nightly beauty treatments. Talk about wasted time, but I digress. Anyway, once out of sight, I checked the “blocked mail” on the computer and there before my eyes was Rocky Raccoon, Sammie the Grey, Pinkie the Pot-bellied Pig, and at least a dozen more. Even poor Eddie. Remember Eddie? He was the mixed-up dog that thought he was a cat? (What a smuck) I almost never got that dog set on the right paw. Anyway, I confronted da Queen and she slammed the bathroom door in my pretty face! Stupid, stupid Queen.

Don’t ever try to out-hateful me…you won’t win.

Any day now she should be receiving hundreds of emails and letters addressed to “Miss Lonely and desperate in Bama.” How do I know? Well, let’s just say that mentioning the inheritance she supposedly received from her late Uncle at Microsoft should prompt a few replies…well, that and the fact that words like “boy toy” and “something to spend my money on” might have also been used in the ad. What ad? Oh, I didn’t say? Why the one placed in EVERY SINGLE lonely-hearts magazine and club on the Internet.

Teehee…wahooo…haha……I AM a stinker, ain’t I? (Skunks, please do not send mail)

da Trixster…

5 Comments:

Blogger Vicki M. Taylor said...

Trixie, if da Queen ever kicks you outa the house, you can come run away and live with me. You're a hoot.

2:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well Trixie it would seem that you have "one-upped" your master sneaking onto her Royal Blog and posting this one....I hate to think what she's gonna do when she finds out - of course I won't say a word but EVENTUALLY she's gonna show up! If I were you I'd start saving up out of my allowance (what? she DOES give you an allowance doesn't she?!) for your OWN computer.....then you can start your very own DOGBLOG. Uh huh.....no more worries!

Your Fan,
Pam

6:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds to me like Trixie may be getting the best of Da Queen. Oh, I know. It is sad, but maybe the Queen has sniffed the silverware cleaner once too often. Just a thought from a swamprat.

6:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

da Trixter" Rules!!!

Hey Trix, I hear your trying to paw her off on some lonely hearts guy. I have been trying to get back to Bama forever. See, me and Buddy(he's a Fiest), can move right in a help pay the rent. e-mail me.

10:06 PM  
Blogger Heather Osterman said...

Trixie, you DOG, you! I am shocked, shocked do you hear, that you would treachorously trash our Queen!

Who comforted your puppy whimpers when you were a babe in arms? Who has kept you supplied with food, treats and those disgusting chew toys? Who routinely provides you with personalized escort service at evey hour of the day and night? And discretely looks the other way, humming to herself, while you busy yourself with certain, ah, essentials?

I think you best grovel for forgiveness, lest she decide to cut you off at the kibble, my girl. So get going!

6:34 PM  

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